Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
