i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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