I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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