you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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