shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
