is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
