mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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