My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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