We're facebook friends in real life
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
