i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
