There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
