she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
