Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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