This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
