You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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