He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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