I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
