3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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