He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my being single is dangerous.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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