Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
