"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
