I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
