doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
