Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
