u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
