So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
