so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
