I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
