At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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