You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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