it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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