Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
