just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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