Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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