He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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