Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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