How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
