Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
