She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
