I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
