we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
