So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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