Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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