he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
