I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
