the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
