I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
