The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize