The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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