I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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