Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
