i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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