My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
