All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
