Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
