Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
