No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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