GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
