She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
