We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
