Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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