Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
