Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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  (970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now http://tfl.nu/72p0
  Replies (7) Good night (750) Bad night (1792) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (1119) Bad night (3363) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

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  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (838) Bad night (5352)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.

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  (901): god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is. http://tfl.nu/53e5
  Replies (29) Good night (4495) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas

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  (814): he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas http://tfl.nu/93o8
  Replies (13) Good night (1682) Bad night (4542) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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  (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush
  Replies (12) Good night (6000) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.

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  (619): Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/2isj
  Replies (9) Good night (2952) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sleazy september. first one with mono loses.

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  (609): sleazy september. first one with mono loses. http://tfl.nu/eipu
  Replies (11) Good night (2451) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

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  (330): He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me. http://tfl.nu/bsc2
  Replies (13) Good night (2009) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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  (443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g
  Replies (7) Good night (791) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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  (505): I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened http://tfl.nu/wwzi
  Replies (9) Good night (444) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  But theres a keg here and me gusta

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  (267): But theres a keg here and me gusta http://tfl.nu/yus2
  Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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  (815): YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS. http://tfl.nu/33fz
  Replies (9) Good night (880) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

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  (323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2
  Replies (5) Good night (1084) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina

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  (772): He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina http://tfl.nu/eog8
  Replies (14) Good night (1379) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt

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