Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER