I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?