google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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