Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!