Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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