There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
