Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
  Replies (10) Good night (682) Bad night (2650)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  How are you feeling today?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

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  (907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1
  Replies (10) Good night (1220) Bad night (4662)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20801) Bad night (1657)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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  (757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6
  Replies (7) Good night (1516) Bad night (2838)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.

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  (517): Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/mubr
  Replies (10) Good night (5548) Bad night (927)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom

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  (715): He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/gly6
  Replies (3) Good night (2029) Bad night (1263)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

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  (406): apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone... http://tfl.nu/2d2g
  Replies (12) Good night (4767) Bad night (1272)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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  (702): It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B. http://tfl.nu/uw83
  Replies (8) Good night (1293) Bad night (2456)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses

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  (203): Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses http://tfl.nu/2wtf
  Replies (6) Good night (2486) Bad night (947)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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  (719): New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget. http://tfl.nu/qqak
  Replies (9) Good night (552) Bad night (1658)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex

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  (203): I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex http://tfl.nu/1qp3
  Replies (5) Good night (1788) Bad night (608)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic

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  (502): I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic http://tfl.nu/cgjl
  Replies (2) Good night (927) Bad night (802)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"

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  (540): Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home" http://tfl.nu/xfn6
  Replies (8) Good night (1522) Bad night (415)
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  (858): View more from California

  But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.

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  (858): But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me. http://tfl.nu/68kv
  Replies (11) Good night (1005) Bad night (467)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.

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  (218): I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win. http://tfl.nu/te10
  Replies (2) Good night (867) Bad night (301)

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