Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.