If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16