So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
