I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃