So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
