Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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