a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
