I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We named our party play list daddy issues
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.