It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.