I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.