ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
