From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.