He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.