what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?