guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
